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October 7, 2009 / Kelvin Jasperson

KS Jasperson

K.S. Jasperson is going to be the name of my first child, when he is born.

Readers Digest version: I have a kidney stone and I ditched school and work in hopes to get over it in private. Also, see the update at the bottom.

About 6:00a yesterday , I woke up, urinated, and then went on my merry way back to bed… Not that atypical right? Well as soon as I laid my head to rest, my lower back started hurting like I had a cramp on just the right side.  So I got up and walked around hoping it would go away.  It didn’t.  I grabbed a glass of water, quickly consumed it, and that didn’t help.  I tried lying on the hard ground instead of the soft bed, no dice.  Sitting and lying down seemed to hurt much more than standing, so for the next hour I paced around the house with a glass of water in my hand, never slowing down my pace and always speeding my drinks, hoping that somehow drinking water quickly would make the pain subside.

WebMD go. I self-diagnosed myself with either a kidney stone or some sort of muscle strain.  After about two hours of constant pain, I decided it was time to head to the hospital to find out what was wrong with me.  Being 8 in the morning on a Tuesday, there were not a lot of people there.  In fact, me and the Girl were the only two there.  I filled out some paperwork, answered some basic questions then went right in to visit with the doctor(s).

Now, this is where things get a little fuzzy because of pain and drugs.  I will try to get it right, but I make no guarantees.  The RN guy came in, asked for a urine sample.  I had just used the bathroom minutes before and had nothing in me; thankfully they said that only about three drops was needed for the tests they were going to do.  I pulled it off, yay for me.

Turns out to be “positive”, meaning they found blood in the sample. The next step was a CT scan of my lower abdomen.  The guy who was running the test came in with a wheelchair to tote me to the CT scan room, which I refused.  In my experience in that hospital yesterday, this guy was the least interesting and the least talkative.  Once in the room I had a towel laid over my midsection and was asked to pull my pants down so the scan could go through easier.  All went as planned in there and he walked me back to my room.

Waiting for me was some Hydrocodone (Lortab) and a Dixie cup of water.  This present was only there because I had previously refused an IV.  I am pretty much a giant pansy when it comes to needles, so I avoid them at almost all costs.  Shortly after taking these pills I threw up, negating any effect that the pills might have had, since I’m sure that my body didn’t have the time to process them.  Immediately after throwing up the pain magnified itself by an additional 35%.  This pain prompted me to go out and talk to the RN and request an IV.

Some new lady came in, pricked me, shoved the IV needle in (nicely) and drew blood.  The blood drawing part I had no idea she was even going to do.  It’s a good thing she didn’t tell me, because I would have refused.  I called her a traitor for not telling me what her full plans are, and she just laughed.  I was serious.  After she was finished drawing blood (four little vials, their purpose I am not sure) she shot some water through the line to clear it of blood.  She warned me of the effect some people feel when the water enters the blood stream and that is some people can taste it.  I am one of those people, which felt very odd to be able to taste something that wasn’t in my mouth.

Minutes later the RN dude came in and gave me an anti-nausea shot and some morphine, both through the IV.  This is the point where I think they came in and told me that I did in fact have a Kidney Stone.  So I just kind of chilled in the bed (see picture) and waited for nothing to happen.  I almost expected them to have me wait around in the hospital until it passed, but that was more like wishful thinking since the morphine was wonderful at killing the pain.

The Doctor, yeah the guy who was almost never there, came in gave me three prescriptions: One for pain, one for nausea and the other to open up my valve (or something to that effect) so that the stone would pass faster.

I was then degaussed from the hospital.  Since the pain came back very quickly when the IV was removed from me, I got my prescriptions filled right away.  I was out of there by 10:00 or 10:30a, which I would say wasn’t too long to be in the hospital.  Home was the next destination followed by many hours of sleep.  I ditched a day of school and today I am ditching a day of work.  Let’s hope that I’ll be rid of this calcium curse before tomorrow comes.

Update: At about 4:44pm today (7 Oct) I became a proud father. Pretty gross, huh?

Me+ER Bed+IV

Me+ER Bed+IV

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